PSEUDO-CHRISTIANITY

Many have taken a course in Pseudo-Christianity 101 and don’t even realize it. I am not talking about a full degree in Pseudo-Christianity, but just the basics. Perhaps one should know a little about this class before you sign up.

First of all, you need to claim you are a Christian. Not only must you fool others, but you will undoubtedly fool yourself. You must believe what you learn with all of your heart and create a new version of what it means to be a Christian. This class requires interpretation of the Bible rather than commentary. In other words, one must add explanation or adaptation that is not there in order to better communicate what is actually written. After all, it is foolish to think authors of the books of the Bible could explain things fully. Furthermore, completely ignore Proverbs 3:5 KJV...... Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Next, one needs to reimagine a single God into a triune God. I know a triune God is not in the Bible, but enough people already believe it, so It is easy to pull off. You can also just say Jesus is Jehovah.
Nevertheless, keep repeating popular misinterpreted Bible verses and you will be fine. Enough said about the nature of God in this beginner class.

Now for the highlights of this class:
1. Do not talk to anyone about the Bible. You probably have never actually read the whole Bible, so don’t open a can of worms.
2. Go to church occasionally to appear genuine. If you can stomach it, you might even be active in the church. Enjoy the food, friendship, and entertainment. You don’t have to be a true Christian to have fun in the church. Do not be afraid to criticize the church, because everyone does it. Realize, few churches will kick you out, no matter what you say or believe.
3. When you are not in church, do not an oddball, but show you are just like everyone else. Listen to hymns, and Christian music only at church, and under no circumstance, watch Christian movies at home. Do not be tempted to listen to a pastor or religious music on the way to church. If you are tempted, however, do not be fooled by the propaganda. Also, if you feel compelled to listen to a Christian pastor on the radio or TV, be sure he has passed this class.
4. Needless to say; never talk about religion (to even your family) unless you group all religions together. It doesn’t make much difference whether you say all religions are all good or whether they are all bad. Get it?
5. You may pick one controversial subject, study it, and give your opinion about it. (Sort of a one trick pony.) Remember, your opinion must include interpretation. When backed in a corner, quote a bunch of other misinterpreted scriptures, or say you agree to disagree and end the conversation. It is not advisable to attack the messenger unless you want to create an enemy. Remember, there is one thing all Christians agree upon – love one another.
6. If you feel compelled to pray, don’t praise God. Instead, just get to what you want as quickly as possible. Praying is mainly to make you feel better and to get a better night's sleep.

Finally, recruit others for this class. It is easy since many have already passed it with flying colors and are excellent references. Church is better than a country club: the food and entertainment are often good, but attendance and dues are strictly voluntary! Now, go out and see how really easy it is to pass this class and pose as a Christian!

Ps: I hope you know sarcasm when you see it!